“But it’s good to open up,” they say. “A worry shared is a worry halved!” – have you tried talking about your dyslexia with a pal or new partner, recently?
Even in a neurodiversity-positive age, we can find ourselves battling the misconception that dyslexia is a deficit… whether that’s in others, or even just within ourselves. It’s not easy to un-learn something you internalised decades ago, at the back of the classroom.
That’s why it’s often tricky to make that first step in ‘taking dyslexia outside the family’. Our parents and siblings are often the first people who know we’re dyslexic, and for most of us, they’re a source of comfort and understanding. They might even have dyslexia themselves. But many of us feel that there are no such guarantees with friends and partners, and we’re waiting— just waiting—for that instant rejection where somebody can’t be bothered to accommodate us, talks it down or assumes we’re not very smart.
…How on earth do you navigate that?
We’ve all been there: some bright spark suggests starting a book club. Another friendship group communicates solely on WhatsApp since you all live in different cities. Your work bestie sends you a dozen memes on Slack a day in grainy, hard-to-read formats.
We don’t want to feel like we’re a problem, but when friendships become inaccessible, we struggle to maintain them. So how do we address it?
The most important thing to remember is to be open about what you need. It’s fine to tell your pals you’re dyslexic, and you can even give them a primer on dyslexia if you want to, but it’s all immaterial unless you ask for those changes. If you want a weekly call, rather than messaging, say so: you can’t rely on other people knowing dyslexia as well as you do yet.
And we know it’s scary— but not to sound like your Grandma here, if they’re really your friends, they’ll absolutely do what they can to include you and keep things accessible.
Dyslexia can cause some folks to worry about their relationship, too. Ever found yourself about to say…
· You know those long, super-thoughtful texts? I use a screen reader and the AI voice really ruins the moment. Is it rude if I ask you to voice note me, instead?
· I know we’ve only been dating three days, but our future kids might be dyslexic. How confident are you at doggedly chasing up EHC plans with school twice a week?
· Dyslexia compromises my working memory. That’s why I forgot what you said five minutes ago about your Aunt Margaret’s hip replacement— it’s not because I don’t care!
· My relationship with work and progression might not be a standard one. I might also get burned out sometimes: work takes up a lot of my bandwidth. Can we hang out at the weekend, not in the evenings?
Hey, breathe! You’re not under pressure to have any of these conversations, silly or serious. And although it’s nerve-racking sometimes, opening up about dyslexia and the impact it has on your day-to-day can be a really important opportunity to clear up any assumptions or miscommunications causing either of you worry.
Remember— you don’t need to apologise for dyslexia. It’s about finding joint strategies that allow you to support each other, and be your authentic selves.
And as for practical advice, we’ll leave that to the experts! SWD was lucky enough to talk to award-winning dyslexia advocates Don and Elizabeth Winn themselves, where we learned the secrets to their partnership and the power that understanding neurodiversities like dyslexia can have when it comes to understanding each other, too.